I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
