Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
