Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
