I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
