Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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