Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
