We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you traded sex for a burrito?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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