need another drink. this is the easiest way
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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