I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
As shirtless as possible
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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