M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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