WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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