So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
