Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
