What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
