no, he came in my armpit
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
