Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
a search helicopter?!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
