we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
