oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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