my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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