I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
