We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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