um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
