theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
