god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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