But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
