Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
please come you make the beer taste better
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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