ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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