At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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