I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
