I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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