There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
