Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
