Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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