My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
