Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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