hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
