Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
