Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
