All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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