Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
