Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
