R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
