Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
