i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
