I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
