um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
