Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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