the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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