I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
