No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So. Much. Porn.
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