How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
