Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
